Those who don’t; blame the world and it’s mother for everything that goes wrong, they are angry, sad, shut others out, have a short fuse, numb with alcohol or food or other addictive stuff, the list goes on…

Those who do; in their own time, begin a, sometimes long, journey of awareness, forgiveness, acceptance and eventually peace. It is a challenging journey, which is why numbing with, say food, in that moment of pain feels better… but in the long run, it doesn’t feel better at all. In the long run, no amount of numbing can block out the pain, suffering, confusion, loneliness or any other hurtful emotions you carry.

You have to do your work!

I started, really started, about 10 years ago when my wonderful homeopath pointed out my own responsibility in feeling (and giving out about) my mother. I was busy giving out, not having the awareness that, at then 36, I should maybe let go of some of this victim-ness I was carrying. I should be my own person, owning my emotions, actions and outcomes.

On paper, I had a lot to give out about, a lot of blame to pass on. lots of issues and baggage. But while I was blaming, giving out and carrying my very heavy suitcases of hurt, I was conveniently avoiding looking at what could I do to improve myself! At the end of the day, I wasn’t happy being like this!!

Angry.

But actually really sad.

Short fused.

Super organised so that nothing could come at me unexpectantly.

Plan A and B, and the C just in case.

Second guessing everything.

Thoughts going 90 all the time.

Always believing I wasn’t good enough.

Never fitting in.

Not even with my own family.

The journey has been long, challenging, rewarding, lonely at times, bringing a sense of freedom and relief. I have used many tools and therapies to get to where I am today, and my journey is not complete, never will be.

But it is so nice not to be that angry person anymore.

I am glad for the people I easily blamed, that I do not blame anymore, rather that I recognise the hurt in me and recognise the stories I chose to tell myself about it, making it worse.

It is so good to have the understanding that the adults in my childhood were just doing the best that they knew how to do. That doesn’t mean the hurt is all gone, or that it was ok, but it means the stories in my head, to back it up are less.

I am so grateful that I have broken the cycle, somewhat at least, to not pass this generational shit down to our kids.

I look forward to learning more all the time, new tools, enlightenments and more, to support me on my way.

And I look forward to passing this support on to you.

Along the way there are many bumps and setbacks, but now when stuff happens, I react differently than my old self; I remain true to myself, my values, I own my suitcases and don’t blame anyone else that I still carry some. I understand why I carry them and I am kind to myself for doing so. I recover quicker from my anger, sadness etc.

At least mostly.

There will always be more experiences in life that show me I have more work to do, but this is normal. I believe only the very few transcend all their challenges in this lifetime.

These are, after all our lessons. And they will be there until we learn them, in one disguise or another they will reappear in your life until you do your work.

So, what about you…are you willing to face responsibility for how you feel and act in life? I know it’s hard to make the first step but once you know a better way you cannot unknow it. If any of this resonates with you, then you know, you know I am right, and you deserve a better you, and you must start.

One step at a time, go on your journey and loose the stuff you have carried around with you for so long, it’s too exhausting.

Finally, I want you to know it is worth it. It is doable. It’s not as hard as you might think. There is lots of support out there, lots of choices, a whole community of people all on their own journey willing to ‘bring’ you along.