Continued from... Conflicting emotions are real, in fact they happen frequently.
There are plenty of examples in all our lives when emotions are complex, they are seldom one sided, and often need quiet & time to be fully acknowledged.
Sadly, these emotions are often not allowed to be felt…
At least not in the way they should, in the way that allows the person to truly feel, and through feeling let the hurt, the emotions pass on.
We are so busy pushing down how we feel!
We just don’t like how some emotions feel;
These are all difficult!
So we numb them!
•Play video games
While telling ourselves all the great reasons why the thing we do is totally ok, not that bad, and only because…
There’s a little issue here though…
All of the above done in excess or in inappropriate ways is not healthy! Full stop!!
So now, not only have you ignored your feelings – which at the end of the day are only indicators of how you are doing, and hey, I need some attention here, even help please… but no I don’t have time/don’t want to feel you.
You have now added a secondary issue – from the unhealthy relationship you have built up with your choice of numbing tool. And yeah, it is a tool, I get that, however we need to stop and asses when we are using tools to cope, if in the long run, they are actually good for us or not.
I eat. Over the years it’s always been a struggle to not reach for the carbs. Specifically, bread. I like chocolate but would not overeat on it. I would however, eat two slices of toast (2 hours after my dinner) and an hour later eat chocolate… and that has nothing to do with hunger or low blood sugar!
The point is we all do something.
It’s born on an unconscious level and only when we practice awareness do we uncover what’s really going on.
So now that we know this, what can we do?
•We can firstly be kind to ourselves when we reach for, or do the old habit of, whatever it is for us. Reflect and become aware, that’s all, no judgement.
•Secondly, we can bring in another, conscious, healthy tool which will support us on an every day basis. Doing this will reduce the likelihood of reaching for our unhealthy tool, as now we are generally able to cope better when the shit hits the fan. (Breathing exercises, meditation, gratitude journaling, yoga – there are many more).
•Thirdly, now that we have practiced awareness of what our automatic go-to tool is, we can set aside the ‘very convincing’ reasons why we’re doing what we’re doing – because I just love ice-cream, I just do, and it’s low fat so all it’s all ok really. NO!! That’s bull and you know it.
So, going forward, as things happen in life, and they will, that’s a given, and you are faced with those uncomfortable feelings, simple acknowledge them. Literally be like, ah, there it is, I know this one, don’t really like it, however I know now that it will pass. Give it some attention, not too much either, and allow it to be.
It will pass on.
The key here is to take baby steps.
Be glad when you have the awareness in a specific situation, when you choose a healthier tool, and when you don’t but reflect as soon as you realise.
It’s all change in the right direction.
Sadly, so many people get sick, physically, because they ignore their emotions. Research has a lot of work done now on stress and physical health and it is now widely accepted that stress may lead to heart problems such as heart attacks, stomach problems such as IBS or auto-immune diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis.
Anybody can become stressed by their emotions, children or adults, men or women - regardless of any factors.
Remember in that, that stress is the result of the body not being ok, stress is not just the man who is the CEO of some big company, stress is anything that is too much on the body, both physically and emotionally.