Continued from... Mother’s Day Hindsight
But it got me thinking… are there others out there who squirm at these ‘happy-happy’ days… or was it just me? I’m sure I’m not alone on this, am I? Are you out there but afraid to say it? Are you hiding behind “ah we don’t really get into that”, “we don’t really do Mother’s Day”, when really the emotions that come up for you, are a bit uncomfortable…?
Society and the media have a lot of responsibility in how they market and portray days like Mother’s Day. They leave very little room for reality, very little room for anything that’s not all pretty and pink.
But the reality is different for some. Very different. And I feel, from my own experience, it can be a challenge to know how to deal with it, wadding through all the positivity when all you want to do is hide in a cave and wait for it to pass. Sounds a bit dramatic but you get the idea, it’s hard to escape the hype sometimes.
It takes time, took me years, to know what my emotions were regarding Mother’s Day. My mother and I had a challenging relationship, we always spoke and never fell out, but we both had our stories and our human flaws got in the way. After a lot of healing work on myself I got to a place where I could mostly accept where I was at with this situation and so all the “happy-happy” didn’t bother me half as much.
But it took work to get there and so I ask you today, is there work that needs doing in your heart? Are there emotions that come up that challenge you, that you do not speak about for fear of being judged or for fear of not knowing how to “file” those emotions, as, well, they certainly don’t fit into what society tells you!
I would always advocate getting support with big topics but if that is not your thing then let me suggest a few pointers;
•Firstly, stop pretending to yourself or others that all is ok for you if it’s not. That doesn’t mean you have to get into it with people, you can still pass it off by saying things like “we don’t do Mother’s Day”, but pass it off with a true acknowledgement in your heart, i.e. pass it off because you don’t want to get into it with that person, not because you are acting the part.
•On days that are challenging for you, make sure you are grounded going into your day. Also a good idea at the end of the day. Grounding is a concept that is about being connected to the energy of the earth as a way of keeping your mood, your focus, your thoughts and emotions stable. You can ground yourself by spending time outside, maybe going for a walk or even just spending 10 minutes ambling around your garden, doing some breathing exercises, meditation, yoga or other exercise. There are other ways of grounding, do search and you’ll find one you like, if none of these appeal to you.
•Regular self-care practices, such as ones I have already named above to ground you, when you do these every day, regardless of how you are feeling, will have an overall positive affect on your life. If you take meditation alone, the amount of research now about the positive benefits is endless. Start with small steps and build on that.
•In contrast, phone/screen time is the opposite of grounding, so when you are already experiencing some challenges, reduce your time on social media and refrain from consuming ‘heavy’, violent or otherwise disturbing TV programmes and films. Devices are more and more used as an escape from the real world, but this will only add to your problem depending on how you use them and what you watch.
•Now you can also do some more focused work on a topic, for example journaling. Journaling, writing a diary is a simple but effective practice which basically allows you to safely express your emotions in a true, uncensored fashion. Often, we just need to get it out!
•You can take this a little step further and write, a never-to-be-sent letter. In this practice, you write a letter to someone, for example your mother, telling her how you feel. You can be as honest and raw as you wish as it is just for you. However, before you start writing, connect to the idea that as you write this letter, she can, from a place of pure love, hear you. Put aside any idea that it’s pointless, (because you have tried before and she didn’t listen), this time it’s different. Know she will hear you and whatever you need to say is ok. Say it, write it! Afterwards I invite you, if it feels right, to destroy the letter; burn it, tare it up, bury it, whatever – it’s done as a symbol that you are willing to let go of this emotion and start moving on a little.
I hope you will use some of the tips I gave you. I wish you all the very best on your journey.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions, you can email me on email@example.com