Continued From... Bereavement is a unique journey
The thing is that, no two people grieve the same.
There’s no one size fits all!
There is no right or wrong.
There is no measuring tape.
There is no ‘should’ or expectation.
It’s just a unique journey.
One that is ever changing, unpredictable and unmeasurable.
Grief is really such an odd experience.
It’s like a river just discovered, going around mad bends with calm and choppy waters and no real map to follow. There are so many variables for each one of us, it’s just not possible to have a plan.
There is no definite way anyone will feel, how long they will feel it for, what will trigger them or how they will cope with those feelings…
You may be doing just fine and then suddenly you’re not! A song plays. You see an add for a place that was special to them. You see someone that looks like them and momentarily forget that it can’t be them. You see a product that they liked on the supermarket shelf. Or once in my case, my mother’s birthday date on the milk cartons.
Like I said, there’s nothing rational going on here, it’s all just our own unique stuff.
I’ve had so many chats with other people who have suffered a bereavement and yes, there are common traits within the journey, and yet each one is unique.
So here’s my advice;
Take each day at a time.
Take each hour if you have to.
Be patient & kind with yourself.
Drop the expectation of how things should or shouldn’t be.
Allow yourself to feel the emotions you feel.
Know that your emotions are your emotions, no one else’s and they are real to you.
Know that you do not need to explain yourself to anyone about how you feel.
Choose carefully who you do confide in so that you are cared for in your vulnerability.
Know that it does get better with time, manageable, life takes on a new normal.
And as much as you don’t want it to be the new normal, know that someday you will accept it and you will be ok with that.
One thing that I found really helpful was to have some rituals that I could do, to help me feel connected to the loved one I had lost, such as light a special candle or write to them in a special journal.
Again, there is no rule here, do what feels right for you.
If you feel some support would help you, please do reach out to someone professional. There are many services, therapists, groups etc. available no matter where you are.