It’s the stuff they watch on TV, the games the play on Playstation and Xbox, the comedy they watch, the jokes they make amongst their peers, the porn they watch, the videos they share on their phone…

I hear you say how can we control that? I can’t tell my 17-year-old what to watch… no but…

You can control a 5-year-old, a 9-year-old and even partly a 16-year-old… but only if you started at 5 or are now willing to put in a lot of work.

And how early in life have they or did they have access to this stuff?

How long in a day are they on games etc?

Do you speak to them about the content?

Do you tell them porn is not real?

OMG it starts at home with respect towards each other.

It starts with you and me!

What are YOU watching, laughing at and talking about?

How do you speak and treat your partner, your child? Your son?

It starts with eating meals together and asking them about their day. It starts with doing chores together and helping each other out. It starts with walks and movie nights. It starts with constant discussions about what’s going on in their world. It starts with showing up for them and listening. It starts with you getting off your phone as a role model for them to get off theirs. It starts with games and debates and healthy arguments. It starts with respect and acknowledging when we, the parents, did wrong. It starts with difficult conversations about how they feel, how you feel and how you express your challenging emotions.

And when they are hurting, let them hurt, don’t ‘fix’ them. Hold space for them, support them, be there for them so they can move through the hurt and come out the other side safely. They have to learn how to hurt, to suffer. Life is full of it and you won’t save them from it, ever. Show them it passes, guide them through tools they can use and be open about how you deal with your hurtful emotions.

Look, I’m not saying I have all the answers. I’m not saying that this is the golden rule and fool proof. No matter how hard a parent tries, we all make mistakes, little and big ones, it’s just life.

But I’m just so sick and tired of really bad things happening, sheer heart-breaking things, and society is all about it, but a month later it’s old news. Life takes over and we move on. We blame somebody, something and never look at our selves for any part of it.

This is a societal problem and WE. ALL. FORM. SOCIETY.

How can we extract ourselves from that? We caaan’t! We ALL must take time to join the dots and see how the little issues, if left undealt with, if left uncontrolled, if left uncensored cause big, big problems. Surely, we all agree that society could be kinder, more tolerant, less judging etc.

Ok, I’ve ranted enough. Please understand my writing from the place that it is genuinely coming from, a place of love towards us humans, towards our sons, towards all the Ashlings in the world, especially Ashling Murphy, RIP.